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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I had a neglectful mom growing up and she is suffering from the results of bad lifestyle choices (smoking, overeating, being sedentary) now in her 70's.  She's also a really demanding, selfish personality.  I hate visiting her but I do out of guilt and obligation.

I've had to be really clear about boundaries, especially when she gets so unpleasant and abusive because I choose to see other people on my visits to her.  I've had to say things like, "Mom, one of the reasons I don't visit you more often is because you get so unpleasant like this when I do.  I want to visit ___ and ____ while I am in town.  I don't deserve to be punished for that.  If you are going to be unpleasant, I will just choose to spend more time with ____ on my visit. "

Then I basically put her in "time outs".  When she starts bitching about things like that, I just say, "I don't choose to be treated like this, mom.  I'm leaving now and I'll be back in a few hours if you are in a better mood.  I'll call at 3 and see if you are feeling better."  Then I leave.

It works.[/quote]

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