Reply to Three kids under 4 and I think we are headed for divorce

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[quote=Anonymous]This is likely the impact of 3 young kids! Put divorce off the table for now because what you describe is typical effect if so much stress and so little time. You need to, unilaterally if you have to, stop all blame, all passive aggressive, all keeping score and all annoyed responses , even if it feels impossible. Then you two need to reconnect on an intimate level and just acknowledge how hard it is. Keep blame or "we need to fix this" out if the discussion as there is always something to fix but at this moment it is about putting aside the built up resentments that I think just happen to parents under stress and without a lot if relief.
DH have been there frequently, and we would be there now if we had another kid in th house. As it is with a two and four year old we are always on the run and often short with each other. The thing that got us to break the pattern was the impact on our older child.things ain't perfect but we try hard not to mak assumptions about tone, intention with each other. We say thank you, take a pause before responding negatively, pay lots if money we don't have for occasional breaks and date night, work to simplify our lives, try for regular meetings where we discuss things ( this helps us address stuff in a calm manner and also make sure we are in the same page about schedules, etc).and what keeps us in check is the impact on our kids. We need to model positive discipline for our kuds but the same techniques (empathy, listening, no blame and no shaming, taking a time out, and ignoring if necessary) is also helpful with each other. Sounds like that is what you two need. Some time and space, counseling perhaps[/quote]

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