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[quote=Anonymous]I felt like you when I was getting divorced.  I felt let down by my family and friends.  I did not specifically ask for the help that I wanted.  I didn't call my mom to say, I'm stressed out beyond belief and could use an hour to do something for myself.  I did not call my friends regularly to discuss the latest issue in my divorce.  I did not call my sibling to say hey, can you buy the gift for Mom or Dad this time as I really don't have the time.

I was in counseling during my divorce, and I learned a couple of things about my situation.

I'm a doer.  Like you, I'm the one that gets people together, makes the reservations, buys the gifts, does thoughtful things for sick friends or friends in need.  People see me up and dressed and working every day and they don't know that I've been up till 2:00 a.m. getting everything done from the previous day.  Jokingly, I've said that makeup is my downfall.  Concealer covers up the dark circles, blush makes me look healthy and well-rested when I'm not.  I was not a "hot mess" so people (family, friends, colleagues) assumed I was fine.  I did not say otherwise.  People who appear to need help, often complain or verbalize this fact...and then they get more help.

The other thing that has helped me is this -- not everyone does what we think is the right thing to do.  Meaning, you think your friends should be offering to take your kids to give you a break.  Your friends may think that asking how you're doing in reply to an email you sent is enough.  People do the best they can under the circumstances.  My own parents would do anything for me -- but I need to ask.  Sometimes they offer, sometimes they offer the help to my kids, sometimes I have to point blank ask them to help me.  I wanted them to support me emotionally, but looking back, it just wasn't something they were volunteering.  Maybe they were not equipped, maybe they thought it was too much.  I really don't know.  By the same token, I know if I asked, they would be there for me.  So I take some responsibility in that, and I also give them a pass, knowing that they were not trying to hurt my feelings or let me down.

I'm still friends with the same life-long friends from before, during and after my marriage.  The relationships have changed, naturally.  I also expect a lot less from people now.  It lightens the load on my emotions.  When people go out of their way for me, I make a point to stop and say how much I appreciate the effort.  I just enjoy people for who they are and within their limits.  I know I have my own limits.  One of them being my time. I can't be there for everyone the way I want, but I just do my best.  I'm sure your friends are doing the same.  [/quote]

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