Reply to do people assume your child is adopted when he/she is not? An odd "reverse" challenge

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Reply to "do people assume your child is adopted when he/she is not? An odd "reverse" challenge"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When ppl ask if you're her mom try saying "yes my husband is Asian." Of course you shouldn't have to but that will address their underlying question which is "how did you get a child that looks nothing like you?"

You can teach your dd to Reply "does it matter?" Or something. When someone is invading a child's privacy they no longer are obligated to be polite.[/quote]

OP here, oh I have done the "my husband is Asian" thing. Ive also done the "If I hadnt been there myself I would not believe it either" to let them off the hook if they have truly painted themselves into an awkward corner. Like the lady who went straight to "Where is she from?" and I was actually confused by what she meant. Then she got terribly embarassed and said "Oh dear, Im sorry, I can see now its obvious that she is two....." and before she was forced to say races I bailed her out with humor.

I really dont see why random strangers  CARE. Because they dont appear to care about much else. Its not like we embark on a philosophical discussion on postmodern representation of race in the media. They just want to figure out what file to put me and my kid in because somehow my blond blue eyed white self with a slightly different shaded child with brown hair and brown eyes challenges them beyond what they are willing to quietly conjecture in their mind.

You know, I have had some people tell me its obvious she is my child- very few people, but when they do it feels like like an extra nice compliment that I wouldnt expect to feel as such.

As to my childs obligation to be polite, I agree she does not have an obligation to be polite to adults that ask rude questions, but that does not usually happen (I need to ask her that actually, to make sure). Its kids asking her. So being defensive about it will probably not serve her well.

Ha, I just thought of something funny. She is pretty smart, and I can teach her a short blurb on DNA that would settle it then and there. LOL. Ah well. I dont think this issue is going away. I think she needs to meet more kids that look like her that have a mom or dad that looks like me. And feel solidarity in that.

I too thought that by now race would not affect my child directly, but then I was thinking about RACISM, a word that means all kinds of things, and one that I never thought to expand to include this line of questioning. Is it racist? Well, no. Or maybe its a reflection of it....If race doesnt matter, it shouldnt matter PERIOD. So clearly we are still far from that idea- which of course i already knew. My husband and I have dealt with that too, thankfully not often, but its happened, and no doubt will happen again. BUt this particular experience for my kid, I was not expecting.

We sometimes joke together that we could each dye a portion of our hair purple and that ought to take care of the problem.[/quote]

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