Reply to do people assume your child is adopted when he/she is not? An odd "reverse" challenge

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Reply to "do people assume your child is adopted when he/she is not? An odd "reverse" challenge"

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[quote=Anonymous]I am american born woman of german descent and married to an american born man of asian descent.  We have been married for just about 20 years, but have known each other for 30 plus years having met in high school. For a variety of reasons, I dont think we ever thought of each other as being from "another race" and we tend to not think of ourselves as an "interracial couple".

We have a 7 year old daughter who really pretty much looks just like her father. When we are all out and about as a family, we get mostly kindly intended looks of "isnt that a cute family" because our daughter is in fact quite cute. I dont think of her has being cute because she is a "mixed race" child. Im putting all this in quotes because its becoming impossible to ignore that these are still noticeable issues to some others. Im not offended per se , and neither is my husband, by any of this.

But here is my challenge, and its frankly one I never thought of: when my daughter and I are out and about, we get the look and sometimes the treatment that we are not in fact mother and child, which is starting to negatively affect my daughter. I am often mistaken for a person who adopted an asian child.  Sometimes people think I am a sitter. Again, a perfectly understandable possibility given how much she does not look like me (Not sure why adults are so obsessed with categorizing everyone around them, though.) But its affecting my daughter. Kids ask her if she is adopted on a regular basis. I explain to her, and she understands, that of course there is nothing wrong with being adopted, and therefore people probably think there is nothing wrong with asking. But it bothers her, because, as she puts it: "Its as if they dont know who I really am."

So how it feels on her end, and again, this is really something i never thought of, as an object of suspicion, which, by the way, does NOT go away when she says no I am not. Ive had kids ask me "Are you her mom?" and I say yes, and they dont look satisfied at all with my answer!

I was just watching a video that a parent of adoptive children put together to highlight the obnoxious questions parents get, and I have to say I have been asked almost ALL OF THOSE SAME QUESTIONS and received almost ALL of the same comments! Especially the "Where is she from?". Ive so badly wanted to point to my nether regions, but so far have resisted.

I never really considered how alienating it is for adoptees to be asked questions like this on a regular basis [b]because I never thought this was something they would encounter _all the time_[/b] So you can imagine I did not expect my own child to either! I never considered before that _its not the answer that matters_, but the fact that the question is being asked at all, that creates the burden for the kid. My daughters answer, again, does not solve the problem. It seems to obvious now! I myself would also not ever ask these kinds of questions, especially for someone I am just meeting socially at a playground or what have you.

Because I have never ever been asked these questions myself when I was a child, I find I am not able to come up with anything that really addresses this for my daughter. So far I have just told her that people are often quite focused on race and that it throws me off as well, and Im an adult! I let her know I dont believe it to be ill intended, and that people also are quite interested in knowing about other people's stories. Im trying to put as positive a spin on it as possible, although I have to tell you that the tone of the questions from both adults and kids is not always so positive.

Anyone have any great tips for this one?

Thanks in advance.

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