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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP that article describes my situation quite nicely (unfortunately).  I have recently been struggling with how (if?) to address it, and many of the points really resonated with me.
Back story:  I have a sibling who is highly unstable in many ways, and has been since our childhoods.  Parents are enablers.  I have distanced myself as much as possible.  Recent events have caused DP and I, along with some other close family and friends, to put very specific limits on interactions with sibling, which of course results is some very specific limits on our interactions with them.  Parents are in complete disbelief and shock and feel like we're abandoning the family.  I have recently begun to figure out (and really, this article might help me articulate some of my thoughts) that the issue at hand is really in their heads, not mine... [b]that their expressions of anger/sadness/etc toward me have more to do with them not being fully comfortable with the relationship between them and sib.[/b]  They will never see this, of course, so the end result is that they are unhappy and I essentially lose any shot at a relationship with my parents.  I may be one of the few dcumers who can honestly say, "Thank goodness I have my in laws!"[/quote]

Having been there, done that, I doubt it.  They are perfectly comfortable with your sib and with enabling your sib. They are angry at you because you don't want to enable your sib.

You're still right to do what you are doing. Just don't over-estimate their positive feelings towards you and their negative feelings towards your sib, though.  [b]Don't excuse their bad behavior towards you. [/b]It will leave you open to further betrayal later. [/quote]

That's what I'm trying to un-learn... making constant excuses for them (still have a way to go, as you have pointed out, fairly enough). 
I do think that they have some ambivalence... they recognize that sib is doing wrong.  What they don't see, is their enabling.  They see it as "We are the parents, we can't walk away."  DP and I have finally come to grips with "That's fine, we understand that sib is your child and it's a very hard spot to be in.  You are doing what YOU FEEL is best for YOUR child and YOUR family.  Please understand that we need to do what is best for OUR kids and OUR family... that involves not being anywhere near sib."
I'm pretty sure my parents and I are never going to "work this out" we'll never have some big grand reconciliation, anything like that.  The important thing right now - as I see it - is that DP and I are on exactly the same page, and I am learning to let it be what it is.  It's kind of a mourning process, honestly, but in the end we'll all be a lot healthier for it.[/quote]

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