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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "elderly parents, sister has checked out"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The title says it all. My parents are experiencing some health issues and my sister, after initially jumping to their rescue, is essentially bowing out of the effort. (Not calling, not visiting them.) I am very frustrated with her, but I realize that I need to let that go and just do what I can to help without expecting anything from her. Any advice/mantras/words of wisdom regarding letting go of expectations of siblings? [/quote] I can only give you my perspective. When my dad was diagnosed with a serious, life changing, debilitating health condition, I was the one who jumped to the rescue. Unfortunately, the diagnosis made my dad angry and he wasn't very nice to anyone (understandable, but at the time it was draining). My mom took her stress out on me and was cruel and mean. I burned out. Every time my mom called, I ended up in tears. I had physical manifestations of stress when going to their house. Eventually DH told me I had to bow out a bit because I couldn't put myself through it. My brother, on the other hand, got it easy. My mom was nothing but sweet and kind to him, and he had an amazing ability to just brush off my dad's anger. Anyways, I now help out but at much less than I did before. My dad has returned to his old self and other than some bouts of depression, he is handling the disease quite well. My mom still uses the excuse of the stress of his disease to be mean to me, but through therapy I've learned to let it go. My point is unless you are with your sister 24/7, you have no idea what shes going through. She could be burnt out, she could be struggling to come to terms with your parents' mortality. Maybe try talking to her to see if she's ok/how she's handling things vs being mad that she's not stepping up like she used to. [/quote]
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