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[quote=Anonymous]OP here
about "sliding in to Sidwell"- Both kids are sharp (5yo is doing multiplication and division, reads at 3rd grade level & plays chess. 4yo reads and is very inquisitive). both DH and I have PhDs in STEM. we are not blue bloods. we will not have recommendations from senators but pre-k teachers will write very strong letters if asked.  If that is not enough to get into a competitive private so be it.

about "trajectory" both DH and I are first gen immigrants (met in grad school). came to US in our early 20s (had 3k in my pocket and DH had 2k in his pocket). We studied and worked our asses off!!!! had kids late in life. just recently realized that local public school is going down hill fast. So started looking for options. We have made plenty of mistakes because we did not have someone who could give us a timely advice. this is one of them. We are aiming for private middle & high school so I am hoping we have a few years to get organized.

about "money buys everything". I strongly disagree. Hard work is what gets you places. I was reading education forums and I was shocked how may people argue against extra homework and feel creativity is what gets you places. if my kids learn only one thing from me is that hard work and a good head on your shoulders is what gets you places. We are hard core over educated liberals. 
 
about "piano" I agree. may be we don't need the most fancy school. may be 20k type school is what we need. So good point and we are generally looking around. the reason why I focused on Sidwell is because it is the upper bound financially and educationally (if use SAT scores as a way to measure this educational dimension).
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/lv?key=0AnukIDABt_JKdDdZYXlQbnFUQ0VfMHRpTFp1SUIxS2c&f=true&noheader=true&gid=5

about "how can we not afford that". we live comfortably no argument. but it would feel odd to take 20% (70k) of the  income. We would have to cut back on a bunch of stuff. We are currently aggressively contributing to retirement and putting extra towards mortgage, we give money to our parents. it dose not feel like we do this massive lavish thing that we could just cancel and bam 70k falls out. we would probably have to dial down a lot of things. So when I posted the original question I was hoping I could get some advice from people that have made the choice to spend 70k every year and are either comfortable or uncomfortable with their financial choice.  I was not tying to start a name-calling and trash-talking thread. [/quote]

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