Reply to Grandpa- who gets to decide whether that designation is appropriate?

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[quote=Anonymous]My MIL has a long-term mostly permanent partner "John" (they've been together at least 10 years, but break up every so often).  They live in the midwest and we only see them once a year.  My FIL died before DH had met me.  Whenever we do see John and MIL, John is usually grumpy and has very little interaction with our kids (4 and 5).  He only comes out because MIL refuses to travel without him and she forces him to come.

They're currently visiting and John's referring to himself as Grandpa to the kids, who call him John because that is how DH and I refer to him.  DH told me that they asked him if John was their grandfather and he told them no.  I don't plan to say anything to anyone, but am curious if DH is in the wrong to tell the kids he's not their grandpa.  I guess John feels as if he's in the grandfather role and he has no grandchildren with whom he has much of a relationship. Dh and I have some personal dislike of him, to be honest, as he is racist and the kids and I are non-white, and I'm sure that plays a part, but as I said, I plan to let DH drive this one and am just curious how others would handle it.[/quote]

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