Reply to After 20 years, my Mothers absence only more obvious

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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks for the kind responses, especially from people who get it.

I am feeling a bit sorry for the people who posted that seem to feel a need to find something to fix here, after making some very large assumptions. Both are completely unnecessary.

For example:

here is what I said : But really, its what my daughter was denied, and what my mother was also denied by never knowing her either that bothers me the most.

I did not say anything about what my mother might have been. I am speaking about what my mother was cheated out of  by not knowing my daughter, and vice versa.

I dont need "help" or grief counseling for feeling this way. Its just a fact. My mother never knew my daughter, and vice versa, and thats a real shame.

But this kind of knee jerk reaction to grief as being a big problem is another very real problem. I remember my therapist talking about this, about how our society often fails us in this regard. By me speaking openly about an aspect of grief, comments are coming in about how I am not helping myself, or I need to seek grief counseling or I need to be reminded that not everyone has parents around.

WHereas the people who say they have been through that know there is no fix and just empathize. Which is way more than a person in my situation ever expects, but its nice when it happens. So thank you for those who did.

There are problems that cant be fixed and problems that dont need fixing. Its really ok to feel cheated when someone dies. Its not a good way to feel most of the time, and luckily I did not. But I think we should never treat a person who is recalling and re-experiencing a loss as if they need to not do that.

Again, I posted exactly for this reason. To let people know it is ok to feel this way. It doesnt feel great, but it happens. Its happening to me, and its honest. And I am not falling apart. Im actually enjoying this rain we have going on out there.
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