Reply to After 20 years, my Mothers absence only more obvious

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "After 20 years, my Mothers absence only more obvious"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]There is a way that you can become accustomed to the fact that someone close to you has died.  I've known for a long time that my mother's death was a great loss. It was excruciating for me personally, as we were very close. I am also an only child, so, quite literally, noone felt as I did. Including my father, who moved on in a way that was, and continues to be, odd and painful, although I do understand many things about why he did things as he did. I have forgiven him completely. But, sadly, its not over.

My father has married someone who controls all his time, and he is not allowed to come see me and his only granddaughter. This is a fact long ago established, and now its been overgrown with a lot of denial on his part, and has taken the form of him not showing any real interest in spending time my daughter, now 7 1/2.

Sadly, she can tell he is not connecting with her, but I know he feels love for her, in his way. Its just all shut down and closed in. And controlled.

Aside from that, there is also the great person my mother was AND WOULD BE to my daughter. Quite literally everyone, including my husband, and some of our close friends, would be better off if my mother was around. She was kind, interesting, challenging. And she would have showered my daughter with love, her artistry, her many talents, and true friendship. My husbands parents long ago made the choice to spend all their efforts on his selfish younger sisters three kids. So they dont offer up much in the way of showing real interested caring for my daughter either.

So I found myself, on the 20th anniversary of my mother's death, to be keenly aware of her being a missing person. There is a space where she belongs and is missing from. And I can actually feel it in a new way. The ramifications of her absence have reverberations that are reaching to new places which are impossible to deny. There is the simple idea that, if she was alive, I would be visiting with her right now. But really, its what my daughter was denied, and what my mother was also denied by never knowing her either that

I'm posting this to just share with others this particular place I am navigating. I know I am far from alone! I definitely know loss to be a lifelong journey. In five years, I will have been without my mother for as many years as I was with her. That is kind of blowing my mind. And making me very sad. Anyway, I know I won't stay in this place all day. But here I am.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics