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[quote=Anonymous]
In the end, I did leave. See, I thought the threat of leaving was enough. Even when he did leave, I thought he'd be back within a couple of weeks. We had a family and so much to lose. How could it all be over?

So, I wonder if you are seeing leaving as a tactic (as I did) or as a truly viable solution to the issue? Think about that. I don't think my husband took me seriously because he saw what I didn't see until a couple of years later. He knew my end game was remaining intact as a family, not an end to his abuse.

Are you looking into why you continue to be involved with a man who rages like this? Other posters have asked about the root of his issues. I'm asking you to look into your self and do the work that it'll take to be understand your motivations and behavior. Clears up your choices, it really does. It will also be apparent to your DH that you are moving on, into a space that doesn't include this violent BS.

It's a process. Took me two years after the divorce to let go of the idea of getting back together. I filed exactly 6 months to the day of giving him notice to get out, with the hope that this would get him to see how bad his behavior had become. I thought co-parenting would allow us to find a good place, that he couldn't abuse me from that distance. Nope. He falls into it whenever I give him the chance.

What's changed, OP? You said you've been in this relationship for 10 years and that your DH's behavior pre-dates your marriage. So, why now?

It's not about a rental agreement or retaining a lawyer. Firming up your sense of self and how you will allow yourself to be treated is what's most powerful. Focus on that.

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