Reply to Child custody questions if DH and I are both dead

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[quote=Anonymous]DH and I don't have wills right now but are working on them.  However, we can't agree on who would get custody of DC if we both die. I know this is really unlikely but we do fly together for work a few times a year.  We don't like each others' parents. And my parents and ILs hate each other.  "Hate" is an appropriate description for their feelings. Each of us wants our own parents to be appointed DC's guardian if we both die.   My parents live closer, so DC wouldn't even have to change schools.  His parents live in IL but they have much more money than my parents and if we died without a will they could outspend mine to fight for DC, and I'm sure they would.  Neither of us wants DC to go with the other set of parents.  DH argues that he hates my mom, my parents are too old (my mom is in her early 70s, my dad is in his late 70s. His parents are about 6 yrs younger.  No one has health problems), and his parents are rich so DC's life would be better.  He says shit like "you know what the right decision is." DH and I will probably end up in counseling to make this decision because there is no way to compromise - there are no other family members that we would consider.  And which ever set of grandparents NOT picked as guardian is going to be hurt and cause drama for us.

So, if we both died without wills, how likely is it that the courts would assign my parents as guardians because they live nearby?  Does anyone know if his parents can sue for custody?

Or, if I make my own advance directive stating that if DH and I both die at the same time that it is my wish that my parents become DC's guardian, do you think it would be honored even if DH didn't sign it?  The directive would be very clear that it was made by just me.  I know it sounds awful but if he never makes one and I do, would the courts be more likely to adopt my directive?

Does anyone know a good family/child custody lawyer in the NOVA area that DH and I could go to?  If we ever make the decision on our own, the will would have to look like a child custody agreement because both DH and I think that the other set of parents, if selected as guardian, would never allow the other set to see DC ever again.  Even though both sets of parents have said otherwise, we don't believe them.  Especially me.  We both want written down who gets to see DC on what holidays/birthdays/summertime, etc.  [/quote]

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