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[quote=Anonymous]I don't understand why you have any conversation with her at all if she is like this.  Send her the invitation.  Why are you discussing the christening gown with her?  You obviously aren't going to have a warm relationship with her and your husband is no help, start your boundary setting now.  My MIL is nowhere near as bad as yours, but she drives me batsh*t crazy.  She also lives within a 40 minute drive.  I see her maybe 4 times per year and talk on the phone to her maybe 1 or 2 times per year.

Some rules to live by from now on:

1.  Do not discuss personal things with her.  If you don't talk about the christening gown, she can't criticize your choice.  If she does criticize, ignore it.

2.  She is old and more formal.  So what.  My mom is the same way.  Insists on addressing mail to me as Mrs. Husband's First Name and Last Name.  I never changed my name.  I have been married for 15 plus years and my husband introduces me as wife First Name Birth Name.  Whatever.  My grandmother and aunts do the same thing.  If it bugs you that much, correct her every single time.  "Mrs. Smith, again, I am a physician.  Accordingly, the proper form of address is Dr. Smith."

3.  She wants to stay at your house spread out her crap every where.  Either sack up and tell her to stay at a hotel or and go stay in one yourself.  If I were you, I would book a room at a hotel with my parents and siblings and leave your husband with the baby and his mother.  The key to making this work is to not express any anger at your husband over this.

Husband:  "What?!  Why are you going to a hotel?"
You:  (Puzzled) "Well, Marty, I told you and your mother that I preferred for her to stay at a hotel given all the conflict we experienced during her last visit.  You were very clear that you did not want to raise this issue with her which I totally understand.  I am not going to spend the weekend on eggshells around her and she isn't coming to see me.  She is coming to see the baby and you so this way, she gets exactly what she wants so she will be thrilled.  And I am going to get a couple of nights of sleep and some quality time with my family.  Win win!"

Except the loser will be your husband since he will be stuck dealing with his mother and the baby.  Maybe next time he will think twice about not putting his family first if he is on the front lines experiencing discomfort.

4.  If your parents think she is so awful, why do they have any contact with her?  That's on them.

5.  If she says offensive things, either confront her every time or stop complaining.  Unless you got married without meeting her, you knew what she was like when you got married so this isn't a surprise.

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