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[quote=Anonymous]We did a family intervention with DH about five months ago, after which he promised he would not drink.  He denied he had a problem but said he would stop and would get help.  He has been seeing a therapist off and on as well, which was also part of the agreement.

For the first few months, he would argue and ask when he could drink again, and I would say not yet.  He said his therapist (whom he will not allow me to speak to) says he doesn't have a drinking problem because it was way too easy for him to quit.  Then I said he had to take control of his recovery and I would focus on me (as part of the agreement I had to agree I would not drink, either, even though I do not have a drinking problem).  Then he would ask me if I thought it was a good idea if he drank, and I said no but he had to make his own decisions and then he would get mad that I said it was a bad idea.

All was quiet until last week, when we went on vacation.  He asked whether our ban was in effect for vacation.  I said I thought it was, but I was not going to make hard and fast rules for him and he could do what he wanted.  Every time we went out, he waited for me to order, then when I ordered a drink without alcohol, he did as well.  Finally, we went out to dinner just the two of us, no kids. (The resort had a kids' club.)

He asked about getting a glass of wine.  I said I didn't want to break my vow over a cheap glass of wine.  Yet he, and the waiter, kept pressuring me.  Finally I said fine, one glass.  The waiter brought a bottle.

He told the waiter I was the one who should test it, not him.  After I took my initial sip, he took one and then waited to see if I would drink more.  I said the wine wasn't very good.  I ultimately did finish the glass but stopped the waiter cold when he tried to pour more.  DH did not.  He drank another glass.  At the end of the meal, the waiter asked if he wanted more, and my DH said maybe just one more splash.  The waiter laughed and poured a lot.

After he left the table I said I found the waiter's constant pushing of the alcohol really obnoxious.  DH said he agreed but that he had gotten the wine in case I wanted some with my dessert!  He then drank half of the big glass the waiter poured as the "splash".

He was snippy and short the next morning, which is common for him after he has been drinking the night before.  I told him the following day that I thought the alcohol was a mistake and that I did not want it and it made me sleepy and him snippy.  He just yelled at me and said I didn't have to have it.

How do I get out of the middle of this?  I am tired of being pressured and used as an excuse but then I get yelled at for not playing along.  Honestly, his actions did little to convince me there is no drinking problem.  It just makes me wonder what he has been telling the therapist![/quote]

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