Reply to Challenge of In Laws regarding religion

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[quote=Anonymous]Challenge of In Laws.....My husband and I have been together for over 15 years. He was raised Jewish and I was raised Catholic. We both feel we are in a similar place with regard to how we live our lives day-to-day and agree that it is okay that we got there along different paths, including religion. He describes himself as holding more of a cultural view and heritage of religion and , I describe it for myself as a personal spirituality that offers me a source of strength. Though we have our issues, we have a really solid and healthy relationship.

We have school-aged children and have decided we will raise with some awareness of religious traditions. Though husband recently shared that he thought that meant they would have bar/bat mitzvah and then decide what religion would be for them. Perhaps this misunderstanding is a resulting in this law challenge.

Husband's father is Jewish and his mother is Catholic. Both attend services/synagogue fairly often and being Jewish is very important to FIL. MIL never converted but attends services with FIL. (A side note but related... MIL placates FIL in all aspects of their relationship - religion, activities, travel, decision-making etc. My husband and I have discussed this dynamic and I clearly stated I would not be willing to replicate that component of his parents' relationship. Husband and I have also also discussed what components we don't wish to replicate form my parents' relationship!)

My in laws, whom we see 6-8 times a year, have made religion a large component of our visits. During a three day visit, the inlaws will say 1-2 prayers (e.g., friday night sabath), MIL gives gifts that are culturally specific, and my FIL will find multiple opportunities to say that a core component of Judaism is like - a book, a number, a person's actions. It makes me feel like he is trying to educate them, which I like. Though I feel it goes a bit beyond that and I feel less and less enthusiastic about our visits. The last few visits have been followed by comments to my husband about when will you chose a synagogue and comments to me like there are many with interfaith couples.

My parents live far away and are not very religious. We see them maybe once a year and rarely discuss religion or religious traditions.

While what they are doing is in keeping with my husband's and my ideas to expose them to both religions...it seems to be intensifying. I will also mention that last year husband, kids and I and the In laws all attended two cousins' bar/bat mitzvahs, most of which were lovely and also completely over the top parties that were more like wedding celebrations with middle schoolers. My in laws have suggested that maybe they'd help pay for a celebration, which my kid ate up.  After these events and the offer, my children want to have bat mitzvahs. I explained we might have a coming of age ceremony and have a small birthday-like party - it would not be a huge affair. But not sure they'd foot (or I'd want them to pay) the bill for a non-religious coming of age celebration.

Has anyone else dealt with this in law challenge? How did you handle it? [/quote]

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