Reply to Cheating Husband Claims They Never Had Sex

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Reply to "Cheating Husband Claims They Never Had Sex"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well, not actual intercourse, anyway. They saw each other regularly for years and had a very physical relationship. It doesn't appear that either loved the other or had a very strong emotional bond. Yet, he claims they never had actual intercourse because: 1) she had lots of partners and he was worried about catching something; 2) he didn't feel the need because he was getting his other physical needs met; and 3) he didn't want to raise her expectations of him. Apparently she didn't require much in the way of reciprocation either. Just a six pack, a ride home, and a few compliments. She had lots of other boyfriends.

It doesn't make sense to me that such a physical relationship would end with blowjobs. Yet she did, indeed, have a V.D. and my husband and I tested clean. So that backs up his story, or does it? A year into recovery, he has maintained this story, while admitting to all kinds of horrible betrayals. Actually, I'd rather they'd had sex because this story is so confusing and hard to accept, it makes me doubt everything else.

Do you think it's possible to have a purely physical affair that stops short of intercourse? Why draw the line there? Why lie if the "truth" sounds fishier than the lie? [b]What else am I missing?[/b][/quote]

That P in V sex is not the be-all and end-all of sex. You're missing the forest for the trees here - why does it matter which parts of his body he inserted in to what parts of her body? You need to think about how you feel about the fact that he was inserting anything anywhere that wasn't an orifice of yours. Frankly, I think you're focusing on this irrelevant point to help you put things in perspective and deal with them. Understandable, but you have to realize that your husband's claims about what he did or did not do don't really matter at this point. What matters is what happened, and how it affects you now.

And just to go off on a tangent here, your phrasing is incredibly heteronormative and short sighted. There are plenty of couples out their who physically cannot or choose not to have P in V sex (or they both have V's, or both have P's, or WHATEVER). Do they not have "real" sex?[/quote]

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