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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Email this (you're not supposed to know he sent the other email, correct? It gives you the best excuse!)

"Dear SIL,

I am so sorry that we cannot watch your children on Saturday - DH and I had made plans to go out, and my sister had already rearranged her schedule to take DS that evening. You know how I love having your children around on X, Y, Z weekends it should be fine!"

Now, OP, listen here:

I sense from your post that you are not the most assertive and decided person, and your passive personality seems to have been bypassed for years through your husband and SIL, who are perhaps more impatient and direct kind of people. 
Your husband might not have understood that your "tentative" plans were actually firm, and your SIL might not have emailed your husband had you told her NO (nicely) the first time, instead of asking for details. Asking for details means you are open to negotiation.

Please don't be afraid of pissing people off by saying no directly. On the contrary, people will respect you and know where they stand, instead of being tempted to go through your husband.

You can read the riot act to your husband all you want, and boy does he deserves it! However, none of this behavior is going to change if you don't assert yourself.

[/quote]

I understand what you are saying PP. But I only asked for details since H made it clear that there was no chance of going out, even if we didn't watch their kids. And saying no to watching the kids was me tantamount to evil personified. I was read the riot act last night for even expressing shock that he was canceling our plans so easily.

Problem is, because his brother and SIL are older (she's older by a year to me) there is an expectation of deference. I am not allowed to question her, to ask why - just say yes. And that to me is antiquated and ridiculous. As if somehow my life and desires are less important because I'm younger?? This is how H's  family operates. [/quote]

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