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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again-just wanted to give an example of the type of convos we have.

Me:  "The roof is leaking. I will get estimates from these top companies for you and then you can decide who to use. I can choose if you prefer and then set up the appointment for repairs"

Mom:"It's fine. You are exaggerating like you always do. You think you know more about these things than I do?"

Me:"There is water in the kitchen. If a bad storm comes there will likely be further damage and you could get mold. This is not something to ignore."

Mom: "Enough. I am old. You are going to make me ill with all this talk. I cannot take you talking to me like this. I am not a child. How dare you be so disrespectful. Stop upsetting me! Your brother doesn't give me this grief."

Storm comes and damage is worse

Mom: Why didn't you do something?

Me: I told you there was an issue and you refused to allow me to do anything to help you.

Mom: You didn't understand me. You always misinterpret things and you don't communicate well. I never said I didn't want to fix the roof. You are making things up."

Me: tearing.hair.out while keeping a calm facade[/quote]

Ok, you are pretty patronizing here so I totally get that she would be annoyed.[/quote]

OP here. This is why I need an outside party. I can change the way I say things or use different words, but the dynamic doesn't change and my goal is simply to help while not neglecting my own family or my job. There are things that need to be done to keep her living independently and she adamantly refuses any other option except staying in her own home. I would chose a social worker who has plenty of experience and who would connect well with her. My goal is not to offend her, but if I tip toe around or say nothing there will be bigger problems. Taxes have to be done. The roof needs to be fixed. I could go on and on with issues that if I ignore they will get worse.[/quote]

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