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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There is something going on with you, OP, that you do not know how to pick loyal, good people (either in your DH or in your girl friends).  Things like this don't just *happen*--you picked these people.

I am not blaming you but am pointing this out to show you you have power here to change your situation and change your life.  You need to get out and pick some good people.  If your "people-picker" is broken then get some counseling and figure out how to fix it.[/quote]

I agree with this and I did not read it as being harsh although I can see how OP would. I have similar issues and am going to try to explain in a little bit differently. I truly mean no offense and hope you take this in the spirit it is intended, with compassion and empathy.

OP, I have a horrible history of picking the wrong men. I thought I had done better with my ex DH but then found out that he had done some awful things and I realized that the common denominator is me. I keep picking people who do not respect me and treat me well. The root of this is that I was not respected or treated well in my family. This is not to blame my family. They did the best they could. However, the way you are treated in your formative years sets the blueprint for the kind of behavior you will tolerate and think is normal as an adult. It's mostly subconscious, which is why you don't even realize it's an issue until someone does something so blatantly awful - like your DH sleeping with your friend, or your friend sleeping with your DH - that it jolts you and makes you realize something is really wrong here.

It's very difficult, but not impossible, to change that blueprint. I highly recommend counseling and perhaps a support group to help you. And yeah, your DH and "friends" are not really your friends. So sorry. [/quote]

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