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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Hurt and at a stalemate "
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[quote=Anonymous][quote]Anyway, I'm really hurt, I'm beyond being able to just hug it out and move on with things as usual, but he has no remorse (I don't want an insincere apology anyway) and so we're kind of just stuck at the moment. I'm thinking maybe I need some space - maybe if I move into the guest room and just have a chance to let a few things heal before he can do the next hurtful thing - maybe I'll be able to return feeling a bit more resilient and maybe he'll feel less oppressed or whatever his issue is and be more considerate. [/quote] I have similar issues with DH, who cna be abrasive and hostile, but jsut rolls on and doesn't think its a big deal or does kiss and make up. Meanwhile, I stew and feel hurt and withdraw. HOWEVER, I have also learned that the more I withdraw, the more he is aggressive--he senses me withdrawing, gets anxious and stressed and lashes out more. (eg, we are in classic pursuer/fleer mode). SO, as much as I would have the same tendency as you do--to withdraw and 'heal'--I know that in our marriage it would absolutely produce the opposite effect: DH woudl see it as a kind of silent, passive aggressive move and it would make things worse. Better to find a time to engge with him about your feelings when he is capable of listening. Or do so in a counselors office. [/quote]
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