Reply to Does anticipating common marital issues make it easier to combat them?

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Reply to "Does anticipating common marital issues make it easier to combat them?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Um, as a twice married person, the answer is YES.  You can avoid them causing problems IF you talk about them and resolve the problems NOW, or get in the habit/practice of resolving problems so that when new ones arise down the road, that you have the tools to work through them.

First, people and situations do change some, but you cannot count on them getting better.  So, if they do something already that bugs you, you should feel that it is something you can deal with BEFORE you marry them.

I had the great benefit of knowing a lot of shit that drove me CRAZY in my first marriage, so when I was courting my second wife, I made sure I was clear about those things.  You don't have to have a msitake/bad marriage under your belt.  Counselors have a "top 10" list of reasons people get divorced and you can get that from one (do a couple of sessions of pre-marital) or from something like Catholic Pre-cana.

Dealbreaker (divorce causes) include:

1) money
2) children (yes/no)
3) sex (frequency, type)
4) in-laws
5) housework
6) wedding plans (crazy huh?)
7) vacation plans
8) alone/together time (how much)
9) socializing (alone/together? single friends? separate interests?)
....

There are slight variations but basically major conflicts over these topics which reflect fundamental differences of opinion - [i][b]particularly where one spouse has no respect and eventually has contempt for the other spouse's opinion/attitude[/b.][/i] - is what results in divorce.

You can go over this list now, before there is any conflict and talk about each of the items and find out if you have major disagreements.  Any disagreement you have, be sure to work through to a compromise you can both accept (and not just "for now", but permanently and forever, not dredging that shit back up after the resentment builds).  That will give you a taste, without the pressure of bad feelings, of what it takes to work through things.  The more practice you have, the easier that gets.[/quote]

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