Reply to Does anticipating common marital issues make it easier to combat them?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I cannot imagine how anticipating these things would offer much protection from them outside of awareness of their potential future existence. Which you already have.

More helpful are the potential red flags that people, with hindsight, look back and see. For example, I now realize that when I was a teenager, I saw traits in my future husband long before he was to be my husband that I now recognize as problems. But during our early twenties these problems appeared to go away when I got to know hime better. Now after 20 years of marriage I see that, uh oh, he had issues that he just buried and never dealt with. Surprise!

None of the problems you mention are issues for us, but we have made up for it in the things that were lurking "under the hood" that neither I nor he knew about. Go figure.

I applaud your proactive thoughts, but I would encourage you to find creative ways to explore who you both truly are rather than trying to avoid hypothetical, however typical "cookie cutter" problems. They could indeed end up being your problems too, but not necessarily.

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agree.  Actually, if you look at the little issues you have now, things that are easy to ignore/overlook/excuse, they are likely to be the issues that will appear--when the stakes are higher, so they become impossible to overlook.

Like, one person is messy.  Or one person is a neat-freak.  One is skimping on money.  Or one is lavish with money.  Someone's lifestyle put them in debt.  Somebody doesn't stand up to his/her parents, or lets their issues with parents or siblings really upset them.  One is a workaholic…or one has a career where they have to stay late or travel, and the other doesn't understand or like this.  Stuff like that.  One smokes periodically and the other doesn't like that.  Different religions, or different commitment to religion.  Look and those things are there…

Add a baby or two and suddenly those issues are magnified.[/quote]

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