Reply to Does anticipating common marital issues make it easier to combat them?

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Reply to "Does anticipating common marital issues make it easier to combat them?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I think being aware of what can come up can do two things:  First, sort of normalize things for you.  What I mean by that is it is not abnormal for couples to struggle with issues around money, kids, division of labor, etc.  I think sometimes people can have such a pollyanna view of [i]their[/i] love and [i]their[/i] marriage that they freak out at the first sign of trouble.  It's great to plan to be the exception, but it's probably smart to expect some of the normative problems to spin your way.

Second, that knowledge will probably lead you to be certain you have a solid foundation and good communication skills in place before you get married.  How do you fight now?  Negotiate family holidays, etc?  Those are some places to start when thinking about how you function as a couple.  Don't spend too much time thinking how your going to be after x, y or z, because you can't really plan for that until it happens.  Pre-marital counseling is a great place to flesh out some of this stuff.

There is one thing I will toss out that I haven't seen mentioned.  Despite a general understanding that there are more common problems that might come your way, there will be things that happen that you just can't account for - and I'm not talking about serious tragedies like deaths or serious accidents.  You'll change in some ways and so will your SO.  You might have PPD after having a baby or he might lose his job and go through a bout of depression.  You might agree now to sex 3 nights a week, but feel like that's not feasible at some point, or one of your libidos might change dramatically (I always sort of chuckle when people on DCUM suggest that they should have talked about libido with their partners before marriage - as if a 20 year olds libido has any bearings on a 40 year old).  You might have to move across the country, away from friends and family, to advance one of your careers.  Flexibility is a necessity to weather stressors, even the good stuff like a baby, can strain a marriage.

Lastly, when you do go through tough times, remember that there are seasons to life, to a marriage, and that things are better, your marriage is stronger, when you weather the storms.         [/quote]

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