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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Excuse me? What do you mean, kick him out? If you're done with the marriage, YOU leave.

^^Well if I'm paying the rent and I'm the main caretaker for our children, it doesn't work that way.  [/quote]

Agree.  Also, who's "done" with the marriage is often rather vague.  When one person gives up and hunkers down in the basement, you could look at that as being "done" as well.  It's just not a good test for who should leave and who should stay.

OP…there should have been a timeline for all this, where you agreed that say, DH would look for work for a specified period of time, (say 3 months) then if unsuccessful, there should be a Plan B…work Plan B for a specified period of time, then Plan C.
So any plan should be like a decision tree, with set time periods at each node.  Dates as triggers are very important.

You don't have this in place and are doing ok off his parent's and your salary, so your DH has no sense of urgency.  In his mind this could go on forever (clearly he doesn't get it that you are at the end of your rope with him).

So what I'm reading is that your first plan to establish a sense of urgency is happening now, and it is to throw him out.

I hear you.  This is one option and I don't know if it's the right one or not, only you know.  But please remember that it was the lack of prior planning on both your parts that got you to this place.

Another option is to sit down and put in place a plan starting now --the same type of plan, OP, that should have happened 1.5 years ago.  Sit with him and come up with it.  And you know, OP, it's ok to have one of those decision nodes be that if the plan is not followed etc, then by set date, "DH moves out."

Creating what's called "a fading opportunity" is a great motivator.  It's the stick part of "the carrot and the stick."  He needs something external to motivate him because in this economy the carrots are hard to come by.

BTW one of those decision tree nodes can be "get checked for depression," or "couple's therapist."

Good luck, OP!  You have been very patient.[/quote]

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