Reply to parents cannot stop treating me and siblings as if we're 10

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[quote=Anonymous]Did either or both of your parents grow up in a household where money was very, very tight, so their own parents were careful about money?
Did either or both grow up in a household with plenty of money, so their parents were always focused on and talking about it?
Did they grow up where their own parents were either irresponsible with money OR highly responsible with (and uptight about) money?
Did they experience money issues when they were your age, married, with you and your siblings were young kids?

[i]Any[/i] of the above can make older adults very focused on and worried about finances. They are not being evil, toxic, mean, critical, cruel (at least, not based on what you describe). sn't it possible they are awkwardly acting out of concern for you, and based on their own past experiences (if any of the above apply to them, that is). They can't help the fact that their experiences have made them this way, though yes, they can help the fact that they approach you in ways you don't welcome.

Have you ever tried just saying, respectfully and firmly, without criticism: "Mom, Dad, I appreciate that you are concerned about us and want to know we are secure. I get that you are just trying to look after us. But please don't worry about whether we are getting the taxes done right, or need money-- we have it covered and taken care of. When you offer us money, I know you mean it kindly and are trying to help, but we're fine. Keep your money for what you want and need. What we would really, really like from you is your time as grandparents."

Because...they do mean it kindly even if you feel it is criticism. They likely would be appalled with themselves to realize that they were coming across as critical or condescending.

Please think through where they are coming from. If they are from backgrounds of little money or a lot of money or poorly handled money, they are basing their "interference" on that. And they won't know that it bothers you unless you tell them. But I would cut them some slack and try to see this as their desire to be helpful. You can simmer with anger over it, as you're doing now, or you can try to see why they're doing it, and redirect their energy toward something else.

As for whether you know the baby needs bowls and cups....Again, they haven't done child-rearing for years. They mean well. If they start showing up at all hours demanding to take the baby off with them, or staying for hours on end and not leaving, etc., that's a real issue. But they are trying to help. You see it as interfering and treating you like a child, but maybe they wish someone had been there for them like this when they were young parents....Talk to them rather than fuming.

And meanwhile -- have you sat down recently and thought about their good points? Surely they may have a few to focus on that outweigh their ham-fisted attempts to help?[/quote]

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