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[quote=Anonymous]My kids were 10 (4th grade) when my exH and I separated.  The most important thing was for them was to make sure that their routine stayed the same as much as possible.  They craved, understandably, predictability and consistency.  I accomodated (and still accomodate) their father in ways that I really didn't want to and shouldn't have had to to keep the train on the tracks (ie, he'd decide he didn't want to take them to soccer practice but was OK with them going if they could find a way to get there; I'd run across town, pick them up & drop them back off at his house).  I caught and still catch a lot of flack for this from friends who think the kids should see him "fail" and maybe they're right, but  I always err on the side of they-didn't-ask-for-this-and-shouldn't-suffer-for-it-if-I-can-help-it.  Sometimes it can't be helped and that feels like shit.  Last weekend, they both had black belt tests, long scheduled and something they've worked hard on, and their father decided to take them out of town.  Out of my hands.

I also took them to a child psychologist early on bc that seemed like the right thing to do.  They absolutely hated it and felt like they were being punished for something that was completely out of their control.  I let them stop going after 2 months or so.    [/quote]

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