Reply to Perspecitive from the mother of a very popular teenage boy or girl.

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[quote=Anonymous]I agree with the pps, OP.  I have 2 daughters (both in  college now) but one was a social butterfly and very popular.  The other (my younger dd) was never popular and only had 4 friends.  She was (and is) a science nerd.  If I were to summarize their experiences - in hindsight - I'd say my younger dd was the more well-rounded and happier high schooler.

my popular dd went through a nasty fight as a junior.  when you're popular, every little thing matters - what parties you're invited to, who you go to events with, how you dress, etc.  As a junior, she had a falling out with 1 of her "posse" (as the other pp referred to it).  The "popular group" picked sides and jumped sides easily (one day they were on my dd's side, the next, on the other girls' side).  It was hard to watch.  My daughter would be heartbroken when she wouldn't be included in a group activity and it was stressful for her to watch what she said, who she sat with, what she wore, etc.  beause people noticed and commented.

My younger dd OTOH, went through highschool with her 4 friends.  Hardly went to parties - or the only parties were sleep-overs at the different girls' houses.  They went to school dances and events as a foursome (rarely had any boyfriends).  By the time senior year rolled around, she had such amazing memories and friends.  She was happy more times than sad and never worried about her clothes, hair, parties, events, etc.  In fact, since I was so used to the petty drama from my oldest, I asked her about being "left out" of this or that.  She looked confused and said, "I'm not left out - I am going to everything I want to go to and I'm going with who I want."  And when some of the group would have a falling out - it was weird, but none of the other group took sides.  She mentioned once it was awkward because the other 3 would keep friendships with both fighting girls and none wanted to pick sides.  Eventually, they'd make up and move on - something that never happened with my oldest.

Also, each girl in my youngest's group got these friendship memory books that I guess they all did - they collected pictures from their whole highschool (and middle school) lives and put in a book.  She treasures that so much and my oldest was a bit sad when she saw it because she realized that even though she was "popular" the friends weren't as tight and she could (and did) lose them in an instant - something that would never happen to the youngest.

Like I mentioned, they are both in college now.  You know what? My youngest is still besties with her little group.  My oldest?  Made new friends in college and doesn't keep in touch with the high schoolers as much.  they'll see each other when they come home for Christmas or summer, but it's just different.  Like "hey, good to see you, what's up"  versus my youngest that can't wait to catch up with her "real" friends.[/quote]

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