Reply to Straight A's but only if I yell

Forum Index » Elementary School-Aged Kids

Reply to "Straight A's but only if I yell"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]OP there are studies on this but I don't remember what words to use to google it, maybe someone on DCUM does.

Bottom line:  In a child, parental praise releases dopamine.  Dopamine surges are the things that make someone do something again and again, so if the praise is connected to a particular behavior, the brain will hardwire to repeat that behavior.  As a parent, you can "create" your child's brain by choosing what you praise.

The studies show people who praise for results (the A, the number of baskets in a basketball game, etc) create very different children than those who praise the *effort* (how hard they studied or played).  The first kind of praise creates a "Fixed Mindset" and the second creates a "Growth Mindset."

Fixed Mindset kids need to master a task to get that dopamine surge.  The problem is that tasks get harder as they get older.  So in general they are more likely to give up.  By college they are more likely to take courses that are known to be easy, or that mirror something they took in high school (like Spanish 1--when they were at Spanish IV level in high school) to get that A.  And they're not enjoying the course because the dopamine only comes at the end, when the report card comes out and then only if it's a A.

The Growth Mindset kids get the dopamine surge for trying.  So they like exploring new things.  So in college they'll take the course that's most interesting to them, even if it's a hard course.  They will pick up a musical instrument, and practice for a long time, because just trying to make a tune gives them pleasure, where the Fixed Mindset kid is likely to give up because it takes so many lessons and practice before they get to that point where they get a perfect song out--so no dopamine surge until that point.

I really believe in this because I learned about it when my kids were young (5 years ago) and my DH and I switched our praising style immediately.  Ok I can't prove it because we don't have a twin study going on, lol, but I have to tell you our kids are very, very self-motivated at this point, both academically and in sports.  And you know whenever they say, "I'm getting an A in x" I respond, "I see you study, I see you work so hard at trying to figure out those hard problems, and I'm so proud of you for keeping at it."  Never ever: "An A!  Let's get you some ice cream!"

And we never comment on how many goals or baskets anyone makes in their sport.  Never.  It's all "I loved how hard you were working to get around that tall girl,"  stuff like that.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics