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[quote=Anonymous]I am a 42 year old woman.  I am married to what appears to everyone in public to be the "perfect man" - well educated, kind, a great father, decent provider, etc.  We have two lovely teen girls together.  However, about three years ago, I found myself in a very unhappy place and, in a lapse of judgement, I had a furtive, torrid affair with a guy I met at the gym.  In any case, my DH discovered the affair.  He kicked me out of the house (I came home to literrally find my bags on the doorstep and the locks changed), separating me from my DDs, and told me not to come back until I ended the affair with the OM and would agree to counseling. I briefly moved in with the OM, but then decided that I wanted my DH and my family back!

DH, however, has been very (I think unfairly) strict with me.  He told me to get an apartment on my own, find a job (I was a SAHM who had been out of the workforce for a good 12 years.  I am now working a job with a non-profit that is low paid - $20 - $30K - even though I have an Ivy education) and to seek individual therapy before we do family therapy.  He says he wants to know all the sexual details of my relationship with OM and that I should be willing to do with DH anything I did with OM and that he may want to explore having an open relationship.

I just want to get my old life back, but I think DH needs to stop being so mean!!! I realize I did wrong, that the source of my unhappiness that led to the affair was me and not DH (I was bored SAHM) and that I can work on regaining DH's trust.  I feel if he is asking for the open relationship, I am in danger of losing him permanently.  We are in Virginia and I also fear that he may use my affair and the separation - coming up on 8 months - as the grounds for a divorce and that he would use it against me in any property or other settlement, leaving me with nothing.  I am so sad and angry at the same time, but mostly at myself for getting into this situation.  If anyone can sympathize or give me some good advice, I would appreciate it.[/quote]

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