Reply to When no one else will admit they can't afford something

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[quote=Anonymous]You are in a tough spot.  Here's the thing though, you can't control MIL and FIL actions but you can control your actions.  Don't go into debt for the family get togethers. You would still be trying to keep up with the Joneses but in this case the Joneses share your last name!   I think your compromise of every other year was more than reasonable.  DH has to be the one to talk to his parents but they have to realize that this is driving a wedge rather than bringing the relationship closer.  I think it important to you to stand on your own and they are putting pressure to spend what you don't have or feel shamed.  Would they prefer you lie, back out at the last minute, make your financial situation worse by going into more debt, or constantly feel dependent on someone else?  Could you challenge them to think of other options in the off year you don't fly out that would still keep them involved with the grandkids?  Could they come out to visit you guys one week in the summer and do activities with the kids?  Can you skpe every week with the family?  Would they do word with friends, mince craft, fb etc with the grandkids to take an interest in things they are interested in?  From my childhood I don't remember spending a lot of time with my grandparents at big family gatherings, the kids play with cousins and adults want to talk to the other adults so I think you try to balance the get together with individual time/interactions with the grandkids.

The only thing I would add is that you mention that you have gotten help from your family in the past.  I am assuming it has either been not at the same level i.e. let me take the kids back to school shopping not $1500 plane tickets and less frequent (not the every year pressure to travel).  If my assumption is wrong then you do need to make sure you aren't holding your husband's family to a different standard.

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