Reply to When no one else will admit they can't afford something

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[quote=Anonymous]I recently posted the following thread in Family Relationships: http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/353702.page

So if you want the whole background, go read that. I'm going to try to make this as concise as possible for anyone who doesn't want to go read the OP on that thread. My DH's family (his parents, his sister and her family, and his brother and his family) places a high value on getting together once a year. Since none of us live close to each other, that involves air travel for some or all of us. While I also place a high value on spending time with family, our financial situation precludes us from travel for at least the next two years (and it won't be peachy keen after that, but I am willing to divert money that Suze Orman would say we should use for something else to do this family get together because it is so important to them). This has actually been a struggle for us for several years and the group dynamic around this makes it very difficult.

I know that we are in the most dire financial situation of the four households, but I'm not at all sure that anyone/everyone else can really afford to do this yearly trip either (depending on your definition of afford, I suppose). I think that the dynamic within the family is that you never admit you can't afford something, you just find a way to do it (i.e. go into debt) and worry about paying for it later. I spoke to my MIL the other day and she admitted to me that when my SIL (her daughter) was getting married, they were in a really perilous financial situation and instead of being upfront with her about their inability to pay for her wedding, they took out loans and just paid it off over the course of several years. I think that was a really stupid decision, but I think she was telling me that because she thinks that's how things should be done.

Do we have enough lines of credit in our names to charge $2-3k a year for this family gathering? Yes. Given the rest of our finances, would it be the most incredibly f-ing stupid decision ever to charge up those credit cards when we can't afford to pay them off? Yes. I guess I'm just looking for some validation from the hawks on the financial forum because my in-laws live in an alternate universe. We are doing the right thing by not charging a trip we can't afford, yes? [/quote]

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