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[quote=Anonymous]My in-laws (who I love, and love to see) all live far away from us (CO and CA), and insist on all of us getting together once a year. This is my DH's parents, his sister and her family, and his brother and his family. I don't know the details of everyone else's financial situations, only the rough outlines, but our family is by far the most cash-poor as we are paying back an insane amount of student loans. And it's not like we're overpaying and can just put back that money for a couple of months to take a trip -- our minimum payments on our student loans exceed our mortgage. We cannot afford to make any trips this year (probably won't be able to next year or the next either, but I'm trying to take it one year at a time). We say this almost every year, and every year my in-laws suggest various ways to make the gathering happen anyway and we end up taking charity to keep the peace. One year everyone came here and my MIL and FIL paid to rent a house for all of us. Other years they have paid for or heavily subsidized our plane tickets. This is really embarrassing to me and I wish they would stop. I know they want to see us, and I wish we could afford to see them, but it feels unfair (to my SIL and BIL) and humiliating that everyone else can afford to make this trip and they force us to accept their charity year after year. If we were able, we would make this trip our top priority once our basic living expenses and bills are taken care of, but it just is not in the cards for a few more years at least. I get their perspective -- in the meantime, our kids grow up and the cousins don't know each other. It sucks.

DH doesn't seem to mind this situation as much as I do, and he has a point -- we accept similar charity from *my* parents and I don't mind that. Am I wrong to feel this way? I just feel like their insistence on seeing us every year puts a spotlight on our financial problems that I would prefer not be shone on them. We are working on it, but we are in a very deep hole and it is going to take a long time to dig out. In the meantime, we are on a shoestring and it is hard enough to feel guilty about all the things I can't give my own children without having to worry about DH's whole family too. I said this above but let me reiterate: I love my in-laws and love spending time with them. If we could afford it I would go see them 3-4x a year. This is not about not wanting to see them, it is solely about money. Thoughts?[/quote]

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