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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Just letting things go"
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[quote=Anonymous]So, how easy is it for you to just let go of things with your spouse? I feel like when we have disagreements or hurt each other, those things usually need to be resolved. Example: he got an email from a friend the other day asking him to go out for a beer. He asked me if I wanted to come, and assured me that I was welcome. This was at a bar that I do not frequent, because it's loud and kind of a dump. But I thought it would be fun to hang out with dh, and also catch up with the friend. When we arrived, the friend was actually there with a group of people, whom I have never met. I sat down at the table, and dh and his friend stood up together in conversation that didn't include me. I made chitty chat with the people at the table, which was perfectly pleasant. However, small talk with strangers isn't a lot of fun for me, as I am an introvert, so it's actually sort of tiring. After an hour, I had pretty much had enough and had finished my drink, so I got up and asked dh if he thought he could get a ride home. His buddy apologized for "abandoning me" but dh said nothing about it. I made my exit. DH came home about 2 hours later and I waited up. First thing, I apologized for leaving him without a car, and I expected that would start a quick discussion including apologies on both sides. It wasn't that big of a deal, but I felt he didn't look out for me, and that he had probably misjudged from the get go whether I should be invited. I really thought a 10 minute conversation would clear the air. He just shrugged off the inconvenience of being stranded and made off to go to bed. Now I'm pissed, so I said (a little emotionally), "you know it hurt my feelings that you just ignored me at the bar, but it hurts my feelings mostly that you have said nothing about it." He said, "I didn't realize I was ignoring you. Sorry." and then he went to bed. I thought I deserved a little more airing of what went wrong. I realize it's over now, but it's still stuck in my craw. This is a pretty common pattern; I try to communicate what's bothering me, and I feel like my feelings are belittled or at least not validated. Then we just wait it out, and I get over it. So, would you have just accepted what he said as an apology, considered the matter resolved, and moved on? [/quote]
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