Reply to Another divorce or stick it out plea for advice

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am so confused and really want to do the right thing, so please be gentle.

Basically: after 6 months of individual and couple therapy, I've discovered/admitted that I've never been attracted to my husband. I got together with him 8 yrs ago because I was young and vulnerable and was losing a parent whom I loved dearly. I stayed with him because I had a skewed idea of what relationships were supposed to be and preferred lying to myself than hurting the feelings of a guy I cared for. I did try to break it off a few times, but he convinced me to stay. When I tried to address our sex issues early in the relationship, he took no responsibility. I went to a sex therapist, regular therapist, got my hormones checked, went off the pill, did yoga, took herbs, you name it and I tried it. Therapists said it wasn't my issue but problems with relationship and docs gave me clean bill of health.

H and I usually get along, but there were a number of imbalances in the relationship that have been widened by stresses in the past year (he was lying, spending money, I was doing all earning/housework/shopping/finances/etc) and I'm having trouble seeing him as an equal. I asked him to go to therapy and I did the same. I also reached out to friends and family and church and started being honest with myself. My (single mom) therapist seems to be really rooting for a divorce, which I find disconcerting.

Here's the thing: we have a wonderful one year old whom we both love. I do not want to destroy her life and honestly feel that my life comes second to hers. I'm trying to do what's best for her. If it were just me, I'd divorce him. I don't hate him - quite the opposite. I just know I can't give him the love I think he deserves. I think we could both have much more fulfilling marital relationships with other people. But it's not about me or him anymore - it's about DC.

What is best for DC? I can't imagine her not being hurt (now and throughout her life) by a divorce and the shuffling and stress it will entail. I don't know any divorced people who don't hate their exes, but I do know many unhappy married people and don't want to go down that road. I want to be a good role model for her - does this mean getting a divorce and teaching her to live honestly with herself, or does this mean sticking it out and working to make a flawed relationship with H the best it can be so DC can have a stable home?

Thank you.[/quote]

It means working to improve the situation you are in so that everyone is at least reasonably happy. Being "honest with yourself" is a joke. You are being honest. You know her needs come before yours. And she needs her daddy in her life in an intact, stable home.[/quote]

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