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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I'm sure I'll be called awful but MIL went beyond spoiling - it was almost a mental illness.[/quote]

OP here.  Yes, that is exactly how I would describe it.  It's like this pathological need to get stuff for the kids that is completely insatiable and out of control.[/quote]

OP, this may or may not be the case, but I just wanted to say -- compulsive shopping can be a sign of real mental illness. That is something your husband should consider and look into if things are out of control.

Wild spending can be a sign of the manic side of bipolar disorder. I have a friend who is bipolar, and before she was diagnosed and treated, she would spend frantically when in a manic stage, to the point she had huge debts, unopened boxes in her closets, unworn clothes hanging with tags still on them. If at that time she had had children, I am sure she would have shopped like this for them as well. Another friend, a guy, also spent when manic -- bought his wife tons of gifts that weren't her style "just because" and that clued in wife that something was going on....

So it's worth being aware that this kind of spending can be a red flag. Maybe sit down with your husband and other family members and think together about other signs you see.

And at a less grave level, overspending and giving many gifts can just make some people feel they are more worthy -- if she has always had self-esteem issues she might feel (without knowing she even feels this way) that if she doesn't lavish material stuff on everyone, she doesn't matter to anyone, including herself. \

Others are right when they say that your husband and his family need to talk to Mom about having money for her later years, but that won't do much good if she has a true addiction to shopping or is doing it as a manifestation of something else like bipolar. She won't just wake up when confronted and say, "Oh, you're so right! My golden years -- I will stop buying stuff today and start saving immediately!" She can utter the words to placate her adult kids but she'll likely be thinking, "Just a few things for this grandchild, a few for that one...."
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