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[quote=Anonymous]We have this issue too.

We ended up approaching my parents (they are the local ones) and had a serious talk about rules when the kid (we have one) is with them. We acknowledge that they want to spoil him, but that this makes life harder for us and ultimately damages our relationship. With us, spoiling and lack of rules there was the issue. We set ground rules like "you can't let him climb your counters" and "if you want to get him sweets, give him one or two, but stop. buy him fruit instead" and "stop sending him toys; he is starting to see you as a material good and not a grandparent." The conversation was hard, and we have to have a re-hash every few months, but it's working better.

We approached this by saying we valued their time together and were having trouble with them when they returned and wanted to fix the transition period so that they could continue to have untainted time together and not associate the "come down" with them. We also said it was super hard on us - and they got that.

We have also implemented rituals like grandma or grandpa buckling DC into his carseat when he leaves. It helps ease the transition, and signals that they are on board with us.

When we do the hand off, I usually try to have something to do with my kid; when he was younger, we'd go to lunch or run an errand then come home and take a nap. I usually lay down with him to get him settled and when he wakes he has reset. Also helpful, was doing a hand off at 8am on a school day: we grabbed a desirable breakfast (hashbrowns or something) then went off to school. Reset at pick-up time.

Of course, our methods, and our successes, have depended on grandparent cooperation. Sounds like that may be a challenge for you. However, as your kids age, you will be able to put their behavior on them and they will be able to be more in control.

I would not keep them from their grandparents, as that seem unnecessarily harsh.

Must be harder with lots of kids![/quote]

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