Reply to Need advice -- family member asking for money (again)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If she can will have the money on January 10, then she can wait to fix the car until then.  If she needs the car to visit you, then give her bus or train fare.  Say no. [/quote]

This, but don't give her fare anywhere. Buy her a book of bus tickets or whatever. Never give her money in any form.

I like what someone posted, too, about clothes and school supply gifts for the kids but never money for her.

If she gets mean, abusive, accusatory, etc. if you don't fork over cash, don't engage or argue with her. It's pointless to bring up "you want money but can still afford beer.". It's her addictions talking and her feelings of entitlement (which have been fed by being given cash before -- not just by you, right? I'd bet she hits up others for money as well.) Remove yourself from the conversation immediately but don't cut off her kids -- they are not at fault and can't help her being an addict. Be sure that anything you give to them (a) cannot be resold, or is hard to resell, so she can't hawk their gifts for cash (she's less likely to go that route with some basic clothes than with, say, electronics) and (b) is given directly into the kids' hands if possible, not into hers.

If she is at any point sensible enough to be told, you need to get to AA yesterday, do it. Maybe someone else in the family is close enough to do an intervention. She is not going to change until she kicks the bottle, frankly. Get a list of AA meetings near her home and her workplace if there is one and keep it close by and give it to any family member who might be able or willing to intervene with her. I would have someone not just fork over a list but offer to drive her to meetings if she'll go, for a while at least. I've seen AA work, truly work, for people I know, but she has to make that first step and it may require someone else to push her. Either way you have to stop giving any money.[/quote]

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