Reply to Anyone else struggling - bad memories of Christmas growing up?

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Reply to "Anyone else struggling - bad memories of Christmas growing up?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]But you are repeating the cycle at Christmas now. Your family knows you are upset and your kids will remember that every Christmas you spent upset.

Get Xanax. Take it at the holidays. Don't try and get through without medication.[/quote]

NP here.  This is bullshit, you are NOT repeating the cycle now, do not EVER let someone put this on you.  You are doing amazing things to care for yourself and your family, and your kids will be healthy and happy because of what your commitment to them and yourselves.  Your kids are old enough for you (or your husband) to be able to say to them, "Mom had a hard time at the holidays as a kid, sometimes she feels a little sad when she remembers it."  As they get older, be honest with them: your dad used to hit you, it was scary in your house, you always felt nervous, and sometimes those feelings come back even though your life now is not like that.  Will they understand in the sense that they know exactly what it's like to live in fear in a chaotic, violent household?  I am sure OP prays to God every single day for that to never be the case.  Will they see how hard you are working and how much you love them?  Absolutely.  The more (age-appropriate) honesty you give them, the more they will have the opportunity to learn compassion and know that your family is a safe place for ALL emotions, theirs included.

I grew up in a very similar home and struggle with similar issues, so you are absolutely not alone, OP.  Let yourself have your feelings, that is the only way they are going to end; they are coming back now because you have decades of blocking them because it wasn't safe to feel them.  You have so much rage and sadness inside, it is understandable that it will trickle out when it can.  Grieve for yourself, for the child you were and the way it comes up now, and then let it go in the moment if you can.  This is the work of a lifetime and you are doing it, that is the piece of gold in the middle of the crap.  You are NOT like your parents, you are NOT repeating that dynamic, and you are healing by parenting your own children differently and giving yourself the stable home life you didn't have as a child (even if your role is as a parent now).

I hope you were able to be kind with yourself and had a lovely Christmas.[/quote]

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