Reply to What is reasonable to ask of in-town family in terms of help with kids?

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[quote=Anonymous]My MIL lives in town part-time (1-2 months here,1- 2 months in her hometown). She is in her early 60s and is in good health. She has an apartment in our neighborhood. She is generally enthused about being a grandmother to our child and has a lot of toys and activities at her place for DD.  We both work FT and have a baby on the way.

Right now, when she is in town, I might ask her to pick up our child from preschool afterschool (3 year old) once or twice, and babysit one or two Sat nights (we always come home to do bath/bed ourselves).  From what I can tell, she has happily done all of these things. I really do not think any of these things are big lifts, so to speak.

I would like to up the ante, so to speak, and ask her to do more, like pick up our child earlier so she doesn't have to be in afterschool. I would still come home in time to cook dinner, so I wouldn't ask her to do anything like that.

DH is reluctant because his mother is easily overwhelmed. Also she has a very passive personality so she'll never really offer to do anything nor will she ever really complain directly (except in a passive aggressive way).

I know the answer here is that I should defer to DH about how to deal with his own mother. It is hard because I come from a culture where grandparents help A LOT (eg I have a cousin whose mom basically lives with them during the week and provides FT childcare for a baby and shuttles a 3 year old to/from part time preschool). I feel like I am not asking her to do anything on that level.  But most of the childcare burden during the week falls to me and if my parents lived in town and in our freakin' neighborhood they would help so much more than she does.

MIL has a huge divorce settlement so paying her/money is not an issue at all. In fact, she'd probably be totally offended if we offered.

Anyway this is just a vent, and I'm sure I'll be flamed for this.

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