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[quote=Anonymous]OP, it's possible that the key words in your post are "all of a sudden."

You say your husband's jealousy and animosity are sudden things -- so I'd be asking myself: What changed in my husband's work life, or at home, or in his mental state, that he was OK with brother before and now isn't, all at once?

It's possible of course that husband always had these feelings and they only now bubbled to the surface; did brother quite recently, for instance, win a big legal case (and gets a bonus for it, your DH assumes)? Maybe brother recently purchased something great that finally set off the jealousy DH has long felt but concealed--new house, car, kids are getting some big-deal thing for the holidays, whatever? Did brother or his wife possibly let slip that bro is up for promotion at the firm?

Or conversely, the issue could be at your husband's end and not brother's: Did husband possibly get passed over for a promotion, lost some project to another person at work, has conflicts with his boss, realizes he can't afford to send a kid to some program that kid really would like to attend....Whatever? I'd be thinking through these things to see if there was a trigger or a couple of triggers that set this off.

Then I'd talk to husband and be clear but gentle, too, because he might not really realize how strident he sounds when he carps about DS and he might not be able to admit that he's jealous, now or ever. But I'd tell husband that "When you say X about brother, I feel Y" -- yep, the classic construction for telling someone he is being a jerk without saying "You're being a jerk." If you are close to your brother and see him and his family, this does need to be brought out between you and husband and even if he would never admit to jealousy or to the fact that (for instance) he hates how bro closed a big legal deal while he, himself, didn't get a year-end bonus....well, husband still needs to be civil for YOUR sake. Do you think you can approach him to do it, for you and for the sake of modeling good relations for any kids involved?[/quote]

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