Reply to Grandparents coming in for first grandchild--tension already

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[quote=Anonymous]I am a FTM and we have no local family here.  I am also expecting in a few weeks.  Grandparents want to fly in right away to see their first grandchild.  Since I am a FTM, and since my relationships with my own parents is strained, and I don't get along with MIL at all, I have asked all 3 grandparents to stay in a hotel and have a short visit after baby is born, and then they can come for a longer visit and stay with us after DH and I have gotten into more of a routine and feel more comfortable.

I have received a ton of pushback from the grandparents about this idea--they don't want to stay in a hotel, they want to stay with us, and they want to stay a really long time so they can "help."  My mother brings up at every phone call why I don't want them to stay with us for 3 weeks so she can help.  The issue is that we have a ton of space, and a nice guest room (though MIL would have to sleep on an air mattress in a spare bedroom, as we only have one guest room).  My mother thinks we should host all 3 grandparents at once.  I have tried to explain tactfully that hosting guests right after giving birth for the first time and trying to take care of their needs will be so stressful for me, but she doesn't understand.  They also don't understand that I told them that they need to rent a car, as DH will not be available to drive them all over the place when they are here, as he will be taking care of me.  They don't want to rent a car.

Part of the problem is that the grandparents are coming from the West Coast, so I understand that they don't want to come for a short visit, but they have been very high maintenance guests when they have stayed with us before, and as a FTM who may be recovering from a c-section (and who has had a rough pregnancy so far and is exhausted already), I don't want to have to host guests and take care of their needs in addition to figuring out how to take care of a newborn.  For instance, in the past, when they have visited us, the grandparents have never rented a car, provide us with a grocery list of all their grocery needs that we have to buy before they come (most of which are things DH and I don't eat), and they expect to be entertained and won't go anywhere on their own.

Grandparents have been critical and judgmental about DH and myself in the past (our choices, our housekeeping skills, our pets), and I don't want to hear it while I'm recovering from birth and taking care of a newborn.

Grandparents are making me feel bad for asking them to stay in a hotel and limit their visit to 4 days for this first visit.  They keep bringing this up over and over and making me feel like a selfish person for asking them to do this during this visit.  How should I handle this situation?[/quote]

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