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[quote=Anonymous][quote]Anonymous wrote:
Sadly, I don't think you can keep both as friends.

My divorce started amicable, with a promise from both of us not to make friends take sides. At one point, ex decided that he didn't want to be amicable and started "venting" to all our friends all kinds of imagined ways he was some kind of victim. He was trying to justify his cheating, which eventually came to light.

I did what I thought was best and left him the friends. I moved away and started over. It was sad, but I couldn't figure out another way to keep them out of a mess that didn't involve them.

I have no idea if any of them kept him as a friend.

OP here.This seems really sad and unfair. In this circumstance my friend did the cheating..and she is still with the other man. Of course she is hurting and has her own issues in her own way, but the husband is clearly the victim/wounded party here.[/quote]

It was sad and unfair, OP, but one of the weirdly good lessons I learned from divorce is that people are complicated, flawed, and irrational. They are also merciful, awkward and unpredictable.

You can choose a side based on the idea of victim/wounded party. Personally, I was hoping to save my friends that choice. I wanted to keep it all quiet, which is weird because I was the injured party....as far as the cheating thing went. (The other thing I learned during my divorce is there are a lot of sides to our stories and when a marriage breaks up, there are plenty of humbling regrets to go around).

If you want to keep them both as friends, I think you have to decide not to talk about the split. You can't be a confidant to one and a friend to both. So, maybe choose one, or stay firm that your friendship with both needs to avoid the topic of their divorce for the foreseeable future.

Good luck.[/quote]

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