Reply to Grandfather my dad has history of fondling women, live close by, and I have DD

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[quote=Anonymous]I hope you realize that you only know about SOME incidents. There surely are others. Think about that. MANY women never speak up, never report it at work, never do anything when touched inappropriately, so there likely are others out there whom your dad has molested. Because that's what he is -- a molester, and the sooner you can accept that (despite the fact he never touched YOU), the better. Sounds like his wife is also going to deny everything and defend him as "affectionate" and "taken the wrong way" by others. But you need to go with your gut. There is too much evidence that he has no boundaries.

Stick to your guns and stick to them for life. Do not, do not, do not think in a few years: "He's been fine around DD for years now. And he was fine raising me....Maybe he's aged out of it..." and so on. Keep up the vigilance.

In fact I would be asking myself: Other than the fact he's my biological father, are there other reasons I keep him in my life? (And the answer "Because the kids need a grandad" does not apply. Kids can function without a grandad, especially one who must be watched constantly.) If the main reason he's part of your life is because he's simply your father, you want a grandad for the kids etc. -- is that really enough reason to see him at all?

It worries me that you are doing what too many of us women are socialized to do: You're worried that you're not being [i]nice[/i] and that you're causing trouble and overreacting. Please, for your child's sake, STOP second-guessing yourself out of fear that, to quote you, "I don't want to cause further rifts in the family." What the hell? You cannot put your child at any risk just for the sake of a rift-free family. Cut grandad loose if you must, but protect your kid first. You are already most of the way there -- do not let second-guessing and guilt undermine what you are now doing. At some point someone is going to say, "Oh, you're causing drama." You have to be able to stand up to that. Can you?

When you told him he could not see your child alone, did you clearly tell him that it was because you know he is a serial molester? He needs to know. And be prepared and don't worry about being nice or causing trouble. He IS going to be angry with you; are you ready for the blow-up? He will deny everything and throw fault on every woman he ever touched: "She was exaggerating." "That woman at work? She's hyper-sensitive and reports everything as being sexual." "That was just a hug I gave that woman at the wedding." "When I came along it was fine to hug and cuddle and now it's all seen as a crime!" and so on, and so on. Do not fall for it. His wife certainly has fallen for it.

Just because he never fondled YOU does not mean your child is off limits as she gets older. If she is very young now, do not slack up on your vigiliance IF you keep him in your life at all. She may not be sexually interesting to him now but there are many years to come as she grows up.

If you must keep him in your life, then watch out for family gatherings especially -- that's where it's easier for him to get girls and women off alone for a moment while everyone's eating or milling around. You can be present every second he's at your house on a visit, etc., but those large family gatherings are where he has the easiest pickings.[/quote]

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