Reply to Surviving the holidays with the passive aggressive

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[quote=Anonymous][b] There doesn't seem to be any direct way to address this with her either.[/b][i]

"Dear Larla,  Every year you choose to do something other than what the whole family has planned, often at the last moment and often inconveniencing others in the process (having the keys to the cabin, meals already having been paid, disappointing the kids, etc...)   Is there a way we can plan the vacation differently so you get some individual time with your family, or get to opt out of anything you don't want to do?  It's fine with me if we're not all together every single minute of the day, I'd just like to be able to plan for it so there isn't turmoil as a result."

If she refuses then you plan differently anyway.  Don't pay for things in advance, don't let her have control of anything where everyone else is at her mercy, assume she might walk on any given activity and don't plan things where you can't work around that.

I don't think you can say there is no way to directly address it if you haven't spoken very directly to her.  Also, it seems a little passive aggressive to me if you choose to participate in the same type of vacation, in the same way, knowing that her behavior won't change and then getting upset about it.   She's pretty consistent so you can plan for/work around what you know she's likely to do - not for what you WANT her to do.[/quote]

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