Reply to Issues with my father started after I became a mom

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[quote=Anonymous]OP,

He sounds a little mentally ill, maybe has some brain damage from a mini-stroke or is entering dementia.  (I'm not trying to be disrespectful.)

The first is entirely possible b/c he sounds like he's had a lot of marriages and has trouble maintaining relationships, even with his children.  If the more erratic behavior started more recently, e.g., since you became a mother that might be due to a physical toll on the brain or his mental illness showing itself more b/c you've seen him more often then when you were growing up.  It sounds like his mother backs him up b/c she is enabling his bad behavior.

I had an elderly relative who ranted about his ex-wife over 10 years prior, but his personality worsened and the rantings lengthened after an operation to his brain.  I think there was some damage there.

Sadly, he does sound like a lost cause.  For your own sanity, I'd send him perfunctory cards, but wouldn't make attempts to see him.  This will keep up the semblance of family relations.  You may be able to salvage some relationships from his side of the family down the road.

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