Reply to Pressure from estranged grandparents wanting contact with grandkids and me

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Reply to "Pressure from estranged grandparents wanting contact with grandkids and me"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here:  I realize they do not have insight and never will.  I have accepted that and that's why I can have a surface-level phone relationship with them.  I do not need their apologies to feel better in my life.  It is what it is.

[b]I guess there are two issues tugging at me:  (1) will my kids wish they could see their roots for themselve (like adopted kids often want to see their biological relative)-- b/c I am denying them that; and (2) if I ever met with them, I would feel like I will be playing along in their charade that all is bright and happy when my memories are quite grim and their marriage was a disaster that we were forced to witness.

On the other hand, I realize that my kids' limited understanding of extended family is collateral damage to the choice I make with regard to my parents.  How do I evaluate that compared to my contentment with the situation as it is (distance = good).
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(When my younger sister heard that they were having a 50th anniversary party last year she said to me "is this a celebration or commisseration?".  That pretty much sums it up.  They threw themselves the anniversary party.)

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OP, what I have seen others do is to try to establish "roots" with a sibling, aunt, uncle, or cousin(s).  That or those individuals represent the "family connection."  [b]Caution[/b]:  This usually works only if those select relatives are willing to respect your boundaries (privacy and distance from parents).[/quote]

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