Reply to Goodness - advice or something like that, please

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[quote=Anonymous]I really want to keep this in this forum.

Do any of you have any experience/stories about not ending a relationship after cheating has occurred?  I am not looking for the "I'll-leave-immediately-bright-line" types of responses, because that makes sense to me and I am pretty much right there, too.  I have been dating for 10-11 years and I have never had something like this happen to me.  I am an "optimistic" or "trusting" person (not naive or an to the point of idiocy, though) and - funny - never even considered that something like this might happen to me.  But just please consider this situation: together for 5 years and pretty much very happy.  Never would have asked for anything different, felt loved, respected, intellectually satisfied and constantly happy/nicely humorous.  Some time ago, we went through a long distance period where I promised I would follow and move, but I basically dawdled and finally moved  9-10 months after I was going to (depression? maybe. anticipating reply questions, it was not because I felt doubts or anything like that).  Anyway, fast forward and life is going along really nicely - very happy.  Then, out of nowhere: boom.  He had sex with someone else during the long distance time.  It was "killing him and he couldn't stand living with it and etc."  I swear, I though he was joking.  Seriously, never in a million years would have I believed he would do something like that.  Mostly in shock, I then asked a million questions because for some reason I wanted to know everything.  He cried and sobbed and answered them all and repeatedly stated that he was so ashamed, never thought of himself as someone who'd do something so immoral, it was a horrible mistake, it was emotionless (like that's make me feel any better), he thought I was checked out and never coming (he takes full responsibility, this was only when I prodded about the why and how could he do something like that), and we talked in this way for a long time.

Well.  I am out now, of course.   It's just so shocking to go so suddenly from a normal, happy life to something like this.  I am hurt and furious.  It's just weird how pathetic and sad this whole situation is.  I know he loves me and feels genuine shame and remorse and, weirdly, I don't even feel disrespected, just a broken trust and very furious.  I feel pathetic that thoughts keep coming to me about how this may not be worth me ending something that straight-up made me fulfilled and happy for years.  But, then again, cheating is pretty much the worst thing a partner can do to the other, right?

Can anyone offer any thoughts, please?  Thanks so much.[/quote]

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