Reply to Punishment doesn't seem to phase this kid

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[quote=Anonymous]We are not controlling. Do you think asking these things is controlling/ Really? She chooses her own clothes and shoes, hair style, makes her own lunch every day, chooses if she wants to walk to school or get a ride, whether or not to wear a jacket and all sorts of choices she has. But when her chices or lack of consideration means difficulty for the rest of the family or problems with her teacher and incomplete homework then believe me, I will take over.

This is a little girl who was abandoned as an infant in Vietnam. She was undernourished when we got her and I'm all about healthy at our house. I'm somewhat overweight and while they aren't I'm trying to instill healthy eating habits at a young age so that is my concern about potato chips. From what I've read they are about the worst snack in the world!

I will try to get her to talk to me about the lies she has told and see if we can work something out. she lied about the chips so we will come to some agreement about maybe how many chips or how many timews a week she can have something other than fruit and let her manage that. Their school (and me too) don't allow any junk food in lunches. I try to get then 3 fruits a day.

She lied about having finished her homework. I'll encourage her to get at least 2/3 done in one sitting (probably less than an hour), take a break and then get the rest done after dinner.

One of the problems with homework is she does not want us over her when she does it so we allow her to try on her own then we check it and usually find all sorts of problems. This makes homework twice as long as it needs to be. We have tried to get her to wait till one of us can be at the table and accessible to see she in on the right track before she messes up the whole paper and has to do it all over again. Both us us are extremely patient with her, don't belittle her for her mistakes, try to make it hands on with toothpicks, raisins, spoons, etc to help- her bigges problems are with math and reading comprehension.

I appreciate your taking the time to think about this and to give me suggestions.

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