Reply to Found a lighter in dd's jacket. Now what?

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Reply to "Found a lighter in dd's jacket. Now what?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Well, first of all, you tell the mom of the kid who is smoking pot. But if you can find a way to protect your kid from being pegged as the source by the other kids in the group, do that. I would want to know if my kid was smoking pot and would be beyond furious if I later realized another parent had been told and had not clued me in -- wouldn't you feel the same way in those same circumstances?

Second, there are a lot of indications in your post that you already did not trust your daughter [i]before [/i]you found this lighter. I don't know why -- despite saying she's a good student, knows the dangers of tobacco, etc. -- but it sounds like you were primed not to believe her anyway: "....I told her that was most likely not true...." was your very first reaction. "...She proceeded to throw her friend further under the bus...." Again, the assumption she's covering her own backside. .Maybe she has a habit of blaming others for her own behaviors before this? "I would like to believe my kid but I also know the 'I was just holding it for my friend' excuse is probably pure bullshit...." OK, maybe that's right, but is that based on your experience with your child prior to this? If yes, again, fair enough.

Only you know what was going on with her, and between you both, before this. But [i]if[/i] she's given you no other reasons to distrust her, then when she came to you and said "Can I tell you the truth?" you might have missed an opportunity. Yes, she absolutely could have been saying that in order to feed you a huge lie. But she also could have been telling you the truth--couldn't she? So...what in her past and your experience with her made you assume the former and not the latter?

I'm not wearing rose-colored glasses here. Kids do stuff and lie about it. But unless she already had a pattern of deceiving you, I'd be hoping that she wasn't so put off by the reaction she got that she now will focus just on protecting herself and her friends and thinks there's no further point in coming back to talk about this with you. [/quote]

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